11 November 2015

Edinburgh, London, Spain

Edinburgh
Edinburgh was great. I watched lots of performances at the Fringe, half of which I attended alone.  It was difficult figuring people out, and I’m usually pretty quick to judge (or, as I like to call it, discern) whether someone is ‘my kind’ of person but it’s definitely a lot harder given a smaller pool. I also got ditched a couple of times, but no hard feelings there. Everyone was still figuring things out, and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who got left behind a couple times. 

It sometimes turned out to be a blessing in disguise—the coolest thing that happened was that I met Paula, a Spanish actress who had gone to a performing arts/clown school in France and then a dance academy, and was at the Fringe to watch some of her friends’ shows. I ended up going to a show with her, where her friends (clowns) put on a hilarious performance. I would later meet her again for drinks in Madrid (her hometown), but I haven’t quite reached out to her since. It’s slightly difficult to communicate given the language/lifestyle barrier, but it was definitely an interesting experience getting to know her.

I liked Edinburgh. I might go back. I might not. But it was a nice place to start off the semester, for sure.

London
London actually felt more like the start of the program, after the relaxed time we had in Edinburgh (we had a lot of free time, mainly meant to be spent on seeing Fringe performances, which I did). We took several day trips to some other parts of England (Canterbury, Stonehenge, Avebury, etc.) but also spent some time in the city. I managed to catch The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, which was AMAZING!!! So glad I got to see it, even though I’ve never actually read it. It was a super well-done performance, with really great props and all sorts of different elements that they added that just made it a joy to watch. We also saw As You Like It at Shakespeare’s Globe, which was okay, and Othello at Stratford-Upon-Avon on the way down to London, but I didn’t enjoy them nearly as much. 

St. Paul’s Cathedral was beautiful, and Westminster Abbey was okay in comparison, but still pretty. But it was pretty cool to have been able to attend evensong in both. As for food, I had a really great steak for 10 pounds at Flat Iron, but also tons of sandwiches. I tried to see the changing of the guards, but failed, went down through Churchill’s war rooms, which was super cool, and visited the Imperial War Museum, where they have the original flag that was raised above the former Singapore town hall (I have no idea where that would have been... The building in front of the Padang I'm guessing?) at the end of the Japanese occupation on display.

I also took a bus down to Oxford on my free day to go visit Ms Grace, my sec 2 lit teacher from St Marg’s, who I believe was the one who first sparked my interest in lit. I remember going back to her for consultation in sec 3, even after she was no longer my teacher because I just loved her different perspectives and ways of explaining the concepts that I could not understand from my own lit teacher at the time. She’s now getting her Masters in Theatre and I can’t wait to see where she ends up. It was super nice getting to catch up with her, and that was definitely one of the highlights of London as well. I actually barely did any touristy things (London Bridge, Tower Bridge, Tower of London, etc.), because of the lack of time, plus I’m leaving them for next time. Overall, I really liked London and it’s probably at the top of my list of places that I’m definitely returning to.

Spain

I’m just condensing Spain into one category even though we were there for 3 weeks and spent time in 4 different cities (not including day trips). We were in Madrid, Granada, Sevilla and Barcelona and took day trips to all sorts of places, such as Avilia, Segovia, Toledo, Cordoba, Rhonda... Funny story about Rhonda—I’d actually been there before a couple years ago but I didn’t realize/recognize the place until we walked past a McDonalds that I remember going into for wifi, and then everywhere else immediately looked very familiar. It’s actually pretty sad because that was basically my #1 priority at the time (and probably would still be, if I didn’t have data) and I pretty much ignored the beauty of everything else that was around me (but I was younger and stupider, I forgive myself). 

I ate a lot of steak and gelato, not as many churros (the ones I had weren’t that great, sadly) and got soooo sick of pork and tapas in general. I did drink a lot of Sangria, though. I actually didn’t particularly love Spain because our schedule was packed and we were rushed around by tour guides all the time and I just felt like there was never time to really stop and appreciate anything, even though we were seeing some really amazing stuff. But I definitely got to see and learn and experience a lot, so I’m thankful for that part. It’s pretty understandable that given how little time we have in every city, we basically have to jam-pack seeing everything into those few days. Plus I gotta go back to see La Sagrada Familia when its construction is complete.

In case you were wondering...

I'm in Italy right now, on the final leg of my semester in Europe. I should be working on a paper that's due today (yes, I actually have school work to do--big shocker!). I've been #blessed (lol) (but really) with the opportunity to be a part of the Europe Semester program that my school offers (one of four programs of the kind to exist in the US, apparently) and it's been an amazing experience just going from city to city, country to country and studying World War II history, European art, technology and current affairs as we go along (yay liberal arts!).

It’s crazy to think that I’m spending the last few months of my teenaged life traveling around Europe. I guess there is some symbolism in it—the idea of being free (kind of) and independent (I’m definitely learning, at least) to mark the end of these years. I’ve definitely felt challenged by circumstances, but I’ve also learnt to take responsibility of my life, actions and duties. I’m glad that I get a slightly longer winter break this year (because the program started two weeks earlier and so we end earlier as well), and I’m hoping that it’s finally time that I get my shit life together and start organizing my life back home. I have way too much stuff all around that I want to sort out (I am a massive hoarder) and I really feel that once I get rid of all that I’m going to feel much less stifled.

I’m excited for the next 1.5 years. I feel like I’ve pretty much got it figured out, aside from smaller details and/or any changes that might be out of my control (which I am prepared to graciously accept, because what’s life without change?) I’m excited for life after college as well. I don’t know what exactly I want to do, but I have ideas. I’m excited to see where life takes me in general. I’m glad I ended up on this trip—it wasn’t exactly something I planned extensively for, but more of something that simply fell onto my lap.

There are times when I feel slightly mad at myself for not journaling extensively (or at all, really) about this trip from the start. But it’s too late to turn back to clock now, but I shall try my best to recall as much as I can. It’s been an amazing trip and I’ve experienced so much, but I guess there’s only so much that may really be worth remembering. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at letting things go, but I just never realize what I need to let go (back to the hoarder characteristic, I guess).


Either way, I should at least try to document some stuff. I already lost most of my pictures and videos from the trip because I left my external hard drive that I saved everything on in Paris (if anyone could help me pull some strings with CapitaLand and get their damn staff at their serviced apartments in Paris to just check under the freaking couch that I’m 99% sure it’s under, I will love you forever… And yes we stayed in a CapitaLand establishment LOL). So here goes nothing. But I shan’t cram it all in this post. On to the next one!

24 July 2014

#104

I was reading Bianca's blog and then I suddenly felt like blogging too HAHAHAHAHAHA
I vaguely remember the days like back in sec 2 or sec 4 or something where we blogged frequently and like talked about our blogs and stuff HAHA ok but she still blogs frequently GOOD JOB. 
HI (this girl is so annoying ew)
Anyway life has been quite interesting since..... The last time I blogged about my life. But there's too much to say and I shouldn't live (too far back) in the past by trying to remember stuff that happened ages ago (because the last time I talked about life was more than ages ago). Life is pretty good... Sometimes...... So obviously I have to tell you about it......... But a picture speaks a thousand words so I shall post the following 12 pictures and they will speak 12,000 words (excl. captions).

987 radio star auditions in school today
bc why not
(Joakim was really nice)
((I loved him on Singapore Idol))
d'Good for dinner last night
(to celebrate Cheyenne's birthday)
I love this bear it's so fluffy
Instagram photo-printing booth thingy
which was cute
we created a fake insta to spam
(but then the printer ran out of ink so plan fail) 
One day when we coincidentally wore blues and greys!!!
Sunday Folks before training (lol)
Idk
Unlimited steak & fries @ l'entrecote
(express sobbles I wna go to the original one)
Oreo Tart (6 oreos for 6 months??? lel) 
Miss y'all :(
I want again
Brought Marcus dinner when he stayed in school to study for BT2s and caught the pretty sunset
Can't say I don't miss SA


Maybe I'll blog more from here on out. Maybe not.

15 July 2014

Today, I learned about press releases.

This is a press release. Kind of. But not really. (I even included a tl;dr at the bottom for the benefit of those who might be too lazy to read everything hahahahaha.)

I got a bunch of questions on askfm last night and I guess I’ve kind of been planning to do up a post to explain my series of decisions this past year so like halfway through typing up a super long answer I decided I should just answer all the questions at one shot and post it here…

Okay so firstly, I went to JC mainly because of my parents like they didn't really want me to go to poly (though I actually really wanted to go to Mass Comm after O’s cos ugh A levels) plus like I'd be a 4th generation saint and that really excited my dad lol UP AND ON!!! Hahahahahaha and ultimately I did choose SA on my own because why not and I had so many good friends going I figured that (even if JC was the living hell my seniors made it out to be I knew) it wouldn’t be so bad with them by my side (I was right plus they were rly always there for me and tried to help/make me study and stuff but to no avail HAHA) (massive shout out to Colinshan lololol) and yeah I really have no regrets at all because I met some of the most wonderful people and was reunited with old friends (ok actually it's just David) and last year was rly damn fun like JC is super fun (but must study la) (which I didn't) so ya I guess I didn't focus or pay much attention to my studies cause taking A's and doing well for them wasn't really like my main aim in life or whatever and I struggled with most of my subjects because I really couldn't study properly and towards the end of the year I just wanted to do J1 all over again...... So ya.

And then at the end of last year we went to the US for vacation and I visited my cousin (Rachel)'s college (Westmont) and met with the Dean of Admissions and he told me that I could get a place simply based on my SAT score (& O lvl cert) so then I applied but I didn't think much of it because the results wouldn't come out till around May this year.

So then after the first week of school this year like during headstart I kind of decided that I didn't really want to stay in JC anymore because I couldn't remember anything from last year and the whole point of me wanting to repeat J1 was to like build up on whatever foundation I had from the previous year but then I realised I HAD NONE HAHAHAHAHAHA and I struggled with most of my subjects so then I decided that JC just wasn't for me and there wasn’t really much point in me staying because I still wasn’t very motivated to study hard for A’s. So yeah I considered everything quite properly and discussed it with a lot of important people in my life who I know want the best for me and most of them agreed that maybe transferring to poly would be a good idea.

So then I went through JAE again and applied to NP Mass Comm and got in yay and at this point I still hadn't heard from Westmont so I just went to school and it was like a new start and I really enjoyed most of the things I was learning so honestly I wouldn’t really have minded staying. BUT in the end I got into Westmont and they offered me a President’s Scholarship + Denise and Danielle were going too so it was like the perfect scenario because I would be going with 3 of my closest friends (a cousin counts as a friend too ok) and it was kind of a now-or-never kind of situation so I was like why not? Plus I’ve always wanted to study in the US like it’s always been my dream and everything was just there so I was really happy actually. So at that point the only thing kind of standing in my way was my mother HAHAHAHAHA like she didn’t really want me to go so it was quite uncertain for a while but in the end she finally said yes!!

So yes that is the story and errr ya I think I’ve addressed the three questions so yay!

tl;dr: I chose the US because I've always dreamt of studying there + my cousin and childhood friends will be going to the same school as me, no I don't feel fickle cause I know what I want and yes I am going to study in Westmont College in the US.

P.S. If you're wondering how Marcus is doing given all this he is very sad so maybe do me a favour and give him a hug whenever you see him

07 April 2014

The more I try

Sometimes I really wonder if everything I've done will amount to nothing
I hope it doesn't
I really hope it doesn't

31 October 2013

Is it bad that I'm laughing at kids being scared?

Happy Halloween!
I'm spending it prepping for SATs, yay.
And laughing at kids. Yay x2.

09 October 2013

#100

Fireworks @ USS
100th post woohoo
Second roll of film
I think it's worse than the first
USS//on the way to school//after natl day celebrations//sunset//fag friends @ sam

Promos have been over for like a week? 
Doubt I'm gonna clear but it's all good I mean whatever happens happens right? 
Honestly didn't think I'd be in this position AT ALL especially if anyone had asked me at the start of the year...... 
Oh well.

01 August 2013

#99

IT'S THE FIRST OF AUGUST
David helped me pick my film up
I am quite sad because I suck and there were many blank shots
Film is stupid
But fun
Like really really fun hahahahaha
Especially double exposure I may have gone a bit crazy with it
Special thanks to Bree for loaning me his camera
Kok Kwin is so black you can't see him/David damn step la
I LOVE DOUBLE EXPOSURE IT MAKES US LOOK LIKE MUTANTS!!!!!!!
Shoe shopping/Can u see us we're defying gravity
I really love double exposure leh
I accidentally took a photo of myself so I tried to salvage it by making it super artistic not bad right
I'm not weird at all
Bianca loves fries this much
babyygabbyyisland feat. mattudanatoral's shoulder
Light leakssssssssss

YAY BYE GUYS round 2 will come...... eventually.

24 July 2013

Too Much

Too much drama.
Too much pain. 
Too much sorrow.
Too much shame.
Okay not really I kind of just wrote that because it rhymed.

I feel like life hasn't been that great since sometime in May.
I guess the fun and excitement of being in a new environment kind of wore off.
It's only been 5 months since school started.
I can't decide if that's a long time or not.
It seems pretty insignificant considering that I have lived for 17 years and 6 months which = 210 months.
5/210=1/42
Okay I guess that's pretty long.
Why am I doing math this is so sad.

But things have kind of been going downhill since June?
I guess it was a gradual slope but yeah these past few weeks have been pretty bad.
But it really could be so much worse.
I really hope it doesn't get any worse.

It's human nature to focus on what's wrong - rather than what's right - I realise.
I guess there's so much more that's right, so it's a lot easier to focus on what isn't.
Which is kind of bad.
But then again, it helps to identify what's wrong so we can fix it, right?

So what's wrong?
Well for one, my nose won't stop running.
I've been sick for like a week straight I don't understand why it's taking me so long to recover.
And I think I've been passing everyone whatever bug I have.
But being sick is kind of the least of my problems.

I just chanced upon an old draft from back in 2011.
I was 15 then.
I don't really remember what was going on but it seems like I was in this same state of hopelessness.
I might've been slightly more dramatic back then.
Or maybe things were a lot worse than they are now.
"Anyway yesterday, I was just kind of ranting to myself, wishing I had a blog to kind of somehow express all my emotions in words. Basically yeah I miss like the period of time between um the end of last year to like mid sem 1 I guess. Like, I was actually happy back then, after a real long time. Like my Sunday-night-depression didn't exist and I was like so damn happy with life that everytime I started thinking about how much I hated Singapore and how much I wanted to move, I'd always be able to convince myself that I couldn't move because I wouldn't want to leave all my friends and all the people that were close to me and shit. But now everything's so damn screwed up and everything's falling apart so badly it's just the total opposite of what things were like back then and it really, really, reaaaaally sucks. I don't even know when things will start to get better but I sure as hell hope that whenever that is is pretty damn soon or I will probably explode and kill myself or something because relationships are like one of the biggest things in my life idek why but yeah I guess that's just part of my personality. And if so many relationships in my life are just, falling apart and dying in fires... Then what is my life? When such a big part of your life is ruined it pretty much means that your life is just a big fat ball of emptiness. Utter nothingless. Zip. Zilch. Nada. And I don't want that to happen with my life. But in some of the cases, there's really nothing I can do but hope and pray that things will get better. As for those that I can do something about, I hope I'll care enough to actually do something about them and not chuck them aside because of my laziness or distractions. But yes, for now I'm just gonna focus on not failing my exams. Oh man."
I don't think I've changed that much since then.
Or maybe that's my problem.
But I don't really know what to do.
Can't really fix something if you don't know what's broken. 
 I guess that's the real problem.
Okay - pause - I don't hate myself ok.
(In case anyone was thinking of sending me to a shrink.)
I just want things to be okay again.
But I don't have the power to make them okay again.
So all I can do it sit.
And wait.
"There's a hole in my soul/I can't fill it, I can't fill it"
But things will be okay eventually.
I know they will.
:)
I really hope they will.