Is it bad that I'm laughing at kids being scared?

Happy Halloween!

I'm spending it prepping for SATs, yay.
And laughing at kids. Yay x2.

#100

Fireworks @ USS

100th post woohoo

Second roll of film

I think it's worse than the first

USS//on the way to school//after natl day celebrations//sunset//fag friends @ sam

Promos have been over for like a week? 

Doubt I'm gonna clear but it's all good I mean whatever happens happens right? 

Honestly didn't think I'd be in this position AT ALL especially if anyone had asked me at the start of the year...... 

Oh well.

#99

IT'S THE FIRST OF AUGUST

David helped me pick my film up

I am quite sad because I suck and there were many blank shots

Film is stupid

But fun

Like really really fun hahahahaha
Especially double exposure I may have gone a bit crazy with it
Special thanks to Bree for loaning me his camera

Kok Kwin is so black you can't see him/David damn step la

I LOVE DOUBLE EXPOSURE IT MAKES US LOOK LIKE MUTANTS!!!!!!!

Shoe shopping/Can u see us we're defying gravity

I really love double exposure leh

I accidentally took a photo of myself so I tried to salvage it by making it super artistic not bad right

I'm not weird at all

Bianca loves fries this much

babyygabbyyisland feat. mattudanatoral's shoulder

Light leakssssssssss

YAY BYE GUYS round 2 will come...... eventually.

Too Much

Too much drama.

Too much pain. 

Too much sorrow.

Too much shame.

Okay not really I kind of just wrote that because it rhymed.

I feel like life hasn't been that great since sometime in May.

I guess the fun and excitement of being in a new environment kind of wore off.

It's only been 5 months since school started.

I can't decide if that's a long time or not.

It seems pretty insignificant considering that I have lived for 17 years and 6 months which = 210 months.

5/210=1/42

Okay I guess that's pretty long.

Why am I doing math this is so sad.

But things have kind of been going downhill since June?

I guess it was a gradual slope but yeah these past few weeks have been pretty bad.

But it really could be so much worse.

I really hope it doesn't get any worse.

It's human nature to focus on what's wrong - rather than what's right - I realise.

I guess there's so much more that's right, so it's a lot easier to focus on what isn't.

Which is kind of bad.

But then again, it helps to identify what's wrong so we can fix it, right?

So what's wrong?

Well for one, my nose won't stop running.

I've been sick for like a week straight I don't understand why it's taking me so long to recover.

And I think I've been passing everyone whatever bug I have.
But being sick is kind of the least of my problems.

I just chanced upon an old draft from back in 2011.

I was 15 then.

I don't really remember what was going on but it seems like I was in this same state of hopelessness.

I might've been slightly more dramatic back then.

Or maybe things were a lot worse than they are now.

"Anyway yesterday, I was just kind of ranting to myself, wishing I had a blog to kind of somehow express all my emotions in words. Basically yeah I miss like the period of time between um the end of last year to like mid sem 1 I guess. Like, I was actually happy back then, after a real long time. Like my Sunday-night-depression didn't exist and I was like so damn happy with life that everytime I started thinking about how much I hated Singapore and how much I wanted to move, I'd always be able to convince myself that I couldn't move because I wouldn't want to leave all my friends and all the people that were close to me and shit. But now everything's so damn screwed up and everything's falling apart so badly it's just the total opposite of what things were like back then and it really, really, reaaaaally sucks. I don't even know when things will start to get better but I sure as hell hope that whenever that is is pretty damn soon or I will probably explode and kill myself or something because relationships are like one of the biggest things in my life idek why but yeah I guess that's just part of my personality. And if so many relationships in my life are just, falling apart and dying in fires... Then what is my life? When such a big part of your life is ruined it pretty much means that your life is just a big fat ball of emptiness. Utter nothingless. Zip. Zilch. Nada. And I don't want that to happen with my life. But in some of the cases, there's really nothing I can do but hope and pray that things will get better. As for those that I can do something about, I hope I'll care enough to actually do something about them and not chuck them aside because of my laziness or distractions. But yes, for now I'm just gonna focus on not failing my exams. Oh man."

I don't think I've changed that much since then.

Or maybe that's my problem.

But I don't really know what to do.

Can't really fix something if you don't know what's broken. 

 I guess that's the real problem.
Okay - pause - I don't hate myself ok.
(In case anyone was thinking of sending me to a shrink.)
I just want things to be okay again.
But I don't have the power to make them okay again.
So all I can do it sit.
And wait.

"There's a hole in my soul/I can't fill it, I can't fill it"

But things will be okay eventually.
I know they will.
:)

I really hope they will.

Don't wanna study for lit

This is pretty entertaining + this guy is gooooooooood
Pretty much screwed CTs up completely only paper 2 of lit left
SERIOUSLY LIT IS THE WORST WE ALWAYS HAVE EXTRA PAPERS it was like this in st margs too sigh

School is like tearing a ligament

So I tore my 3rd ligament within 1.5 years during the first week of the holidays hahahahaha I am an injury magnet it's really sad. I don't think I'll have to go for operations for my ankles though I think ankle ligaments are somewhat insignificant individually... I hope. But yeah I was thinking about it and JC is kind of like falling and tearing a ligament which I know sounds really weird but like it's how it was for me ok. 

It's like, you fall and then comes a snap and that's when you KNOW you snapped a ligament because why else would there be a loud snap it's not like your skin got overstretched and snapped into two or something because skin doesn't do that and then you'll just be in a state of panic because WHO WANTS TO TEAR THEIR LIGAMENTS not you that's who but this is all before the pain comes so you just sit there for a while, freaking out on the inside and knowing that you're screwed AND this was kind of like school when it started because you know you would die eventually but there was no pain or anything because it was all fun and games and food and friends and yeah basically you know what's coming but you have an inkling of hope that it won't turn out like that even though you're almost 100% sure that it will AND GUESS WHAT you were right. Then some good friends will come along and help you up and try to take care of you and ask if you're alright and you'll tell them you are because at that point the pain isn't all that bad yet (and by the third time you're basically just laughing at yourself because you're such a klutz and a loser and you know your friends are laughing at you too even if they're worried because it's funny) but all this time the pain will slowly get worse and at some point you'll be alone and it won't be that funny anymore because you can barely move and life is just burdensome and you just wanna cry and die and ya SEE LIKE JC BECAUSE YOU HAVE FRIENDS TO SUPPORT YOU BUT YOU STILL WANNA DIE RIGHT and then slowly the pain gets better (which is somewhat like getting used to JC life?) but it'll feel like forever before it really goes away (like how these JC years are gonna feel like forever until they end) SO YA JC IS LIKE TEARING A LIGAMENT both of which kind of really suck but I guess I'm just bitter because CTs are next week and I kind of haven't done anything at all so I am going to fail and like cry ok bye.

On a somewhat related note I just realised Lin was there all 3 times I tore my ligaments hahahahahahaha Lin it was all you right I knew it why must you do this to me :'( jk love you ok bye again

I should be studying

TODAY WAS THE LAST SCHOOL DAY OF THE TERM/SEMESTER I can't believe how fast time passed like half the year is already over and it's been so long since we started school and so much has happened already and I can't even imagine how quickly the rest of these two years are gonna fly by......

I don't wanna read Chinese (even though my mother tongue paper is tomorrow) so here, have some pretty old photos (some of which are all the way from like March?) which I conveniently backed up from my phone a few days before IT DIED FOREVER. So yeah I'm using the first iPhone they released which is so sad because I can't even update it to iOS 5 so I can't download any app which means I don't have whatsapp and I feel really disconnected from the world now.

Okay bye :(

 Fiona & Lin being their retardedly cute selves.

 Colin looking like a secondary school boy eating his McDonald's.

 Puqian happily enjoying his noodles.

 Acting like they dgaf.

 Being social.

 Hello Kitty in Econs lecture.

 DAVID THE MAT STEPPING LIKE CRAZY 

 Commendation.

 Soccer boys (I really love them a lot they really deserve to win next year ok)

 Hockey boys (they were really far away hahaha but ya super proud of them esp all the j1s who didn't have prior experience but just went onto the field and dominated)

 Dead bird in Chinese HAHAHA

 Colin climbing the rock wall.

Somebody sleeping alone in the cafe......
❤ u Lin we'll never ditch you again.

POLICE CUP 2013

SA WON THE POLICE CUP which is basically just A Div with a fancier name because it's apparently sponsored by the police force. I guess they think that ruggers would make good police or something which is quite smart. But anyway YES SA WON WOOHOOOOOO their season was actually pretty short like Lin, David and I wanted to go support from like the first game but we were uhhh kinda late and by kinda I mean when I got there the players were walking off the field + I was the earliest of the three of us so ya WE TRIED and yeah that was only like a couple of weeks ago and now the whole season is over AND THEY WON!!!!!?! I'm like really super proud of our ruggers they're so determined and passionate and really really admirable and they really deserved to win aaaahhhhhh I'm so happy they won. And I'm glad we managed to support the rest of their games (except the first RI one because uhh... Lit) especially the crucial ones (ok it was just the ACS(i) one which was craaaaazy because this batch was the batch that won both C and B div consecutively AND SA BEAT THEM!!!) and I've pretty much figured out how the game works so yes I can actually fully enjoy watching Rugby now gaaasp yay. Oh and yeah the atmosphere after we won was insane like I really really love SA and our spirit and everything omg it was one of the best moments ever with all of us running out on to the field and congratulating our friends and screaming and cheering and singing the College Song and yeah it was really really memorable I'M ALREAD LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT YEAR'S SEASON AHAHAHAHA. 

 Edgay the enemy/Lin and I doing what we do best

On our feet for the last 10 minutes

 With  Loh Xing Bao + Farhahahahahan 

(aka game-winning-try-scorer aka man of the match aka hero aka sofarhansogood aka koala aka malteser)

St Marg's represent (+ 4/5 represent cept Lin)

OVERALL IT WAS A REALLY GOOD DAY WOOHOO #SAPRIDE #SABOLEH #ONCEASAINTALWAYSASAINT #ONEFAMILYUNBROKEN #UPANDON

Whatever May be

Found these lousy webcam pics on my laptop.

They're from exactly 9 weeks ago.

I quite like them.

Time passes so quickly it's crazy.

It feels like it's been forever since school started and I met all my friends but in reality, it's only been 3 months.

I kind of just contradicted myself, but it's kind of just how I really feel.

Like, every week just goes by so fast but at the same time, all the things that have happened in the past feel so far away.

I guess it's just because of how fast-paced and hectic jc life is.

Or maybe I'm just weird.

I should be writing my GP/lit/history/econs essay.

"Wait, did I enrol in SAJC or Essay JC?" - Bryan is kind of a genius sometimes.

Ok yeah I really should go work on them.

Bye

//////

Love this

E-Learning really sucks

Hope the ruggers are winning

Don't wanna do any more work

Bleh

MSAs are over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just had our last paper today

I'm so glad it's all over

But time is passing so quickly it's crazy

Had a pretty good weekend celebrating Lin's birthday

School is quite tiring

Ok bye

Marchin' On

March Holidays

I think it was pretty damn good a week - like, there was a balance of fun, work and rest (although I'm pretty sure I'm gonna regret not doing enough work, especially with MSAs coming up) but ah wellllllll I'm really quite happy with how the week turned out, even though it wasn't much of a holiday and I never really had any expectations of it... Maybe that's why it ended up being so great hahahaha yay. Basically I just like:

Had school as per normal-ish on Monday and Tuesday cept it was slightly more slack and we went out of school during breaks so that was fun; Went back to school at night on Wednesday to stargaze + had a sleepover/kind-of movie marathon w Lin, Jam, Cher, Yuan, Af, Colin, Daryl, David, Poo, Remus, Waf and Mattu; Studied w Lin and David (whom I've studied with every Sat for 4 straight weeks so far) on Saturday and then again on Sunday but + Colin, Kok Kwin and Joanne.

Term 2, Week 1
This week was pretty slack, a bunch of classes on Monday got cancelled cause our teachers were absent, we got half of Tuesday off because of the j3s' good results and then we had our cross country on Wednesday ahahaha so yes this week was goooooood (except that yesterday was ridiculously long because we had an extra lit lecture booo).

Basically life in jc has been super fun because I've managed to find really great friends and I've been blessed with awesome classmates and there's rarely a dull moment in SA because of all of them (giant cliche, I know). Some days/lectures/classes can get pretty dreary and I don't know what I would do if we didn't have this many breaks but ultimately most days usually end up alright and even if they don't, the next day would make up for it. I'm kind of scared because time is passing so fast and A's will be here before we know it and nooooooooo... Okay I guess it's pretty important to know how to live in the moment and stuff like I'm really enjoying JC life so far (although I'm quite sure it won't last) but yeah I shall focus more on how I'm enjoying it now yay and like whatever happens shall happen (there was this stage where Colin kept saying "que sera sera" which was really annoying because it'd just make the stupid song play in my head but it's quite true la oh well) so yeah. I'm happy now. I love my friends. I love school. Let's see how the rest of the year plays out.

These are my friends

School has been pretty fun

Celebrated Yuan's birthday yesterday

The first two photos were kinda stolen from Lin

I found the last one in my phone

I'm so tired

Woohoooooooo

Bye

The edge of all we've ever known

Sprained my ankle on Friday ugh it's damn fat and swollen now and I can't walk because it hurts too much so I have to go to school with crutches tomorrow and I'm pretty annoyed with myself for being so stupid but it's too laaaaate no point regreting anyway and now I might not be able to go for the cca trials that are taking place this week and that makes me sad so I really really hope I get better by Thursday or at least Friday sigh why am I so clumsy whyyyyyyyy :-(

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

HELLO EVERYONE TODAY WAS A WONDERFUL DAY BECAUSE LOVE WAS IN THE AIR AND THERE WERE SO MANY CUTE COUPLES AND THEY WERE SO CUTE AND I LOVE CUTE COUPLES we also had a really cool picnic with our senior class and I got Zec to buy me a helium balloon and I got to see my AC friends and their friends and I am looking through the photos from today and squealing internally over how cute my friends are and stuff yes happy vday guys yay consumerism!!!!

You've got my love to lean on, darling

So Lin first told me to go watch this video a couple of months ago because it was cute (and it really issss) and I didn't like the song that much when I first heard it but then it kept getting stuck in my head and now I kind of love it plus the video is just so freaking adorable and it makes me happy so yeah. You're welcome.

"I am A-OK."

"But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart." - Paper Towns, John Green

Finally completed Paper Towns after abandoning it halfway like, two months ago. I quite liked it. But I kind of found it... realistically ridiculous. Like, it was somewhat relatable but at the same time, it somehow made me feel really... normal. Partially because Margo was pretty much insane. I guess it was kinda the same with Silver Linings Playbook, like all the characters were so mad that it made me feel ridiculously sane hahahaha. It's not like I have serious issues and deserve to be placed in a mental institute or anything but I do think I tend to be a little odd sometimes. It's mainly the things that go on in my head that make me feel this way but I guess that's kind of a good thing right? Like the main difference between a seemingly normal crazy person and a crazy person in a mental asylum is that the former can actually control themselves since they actually appear normal even though they might not be... Right? So the fact that I don't appear insane means I'm not insane. Yep. I don't really know what I'm saying OKAY I'M NOT CRAZY it's just that I tend to think a little too much sometimes and so I think that makes me kind of weird but everyone's weird like I sincerely believe that every single person in this world is weird because what defines normalcy anyway? But yeah I guess knowing that other people (so what if they're fictional!!) are more screwed up than me kind of comforts me? Okay but that's kind of screwed up. Dang. Whateverrrrrr it's late nothing I'm saying makes much sense to me right now so bye

CNY CNY CNY

Sup everybaaady it's CNY woohoo but we're staying home how fun hahaha. But I do have a bunch of stuff I gotta do so I guess I'm glad I have today freeeee. Soooooo orientation ended on Friday and it was super duper fun and I really, really enjoyed myself - ESPECIALLY the mass dance/finale where we danced and sang and jumped around like crazy damn that was fun. I really like my OG + CG so I guess I'm pretty fortunate to have them!! Made new friends woohoooooo I'm sure they'll make my time in SA pretty damn great ;) plus I have Lin, Jam, Cher and Af with me which I am sooooo grateful for like seriously I don't even know what I would do without them. Lectures start after CNY (Wednesday) and I hope I can cope with everything and don't play too hard ahahaha oh man.. But yeah I'm looking forward to this week as well cause it's Friendship Week and we get to have a picnic with our senior class on Friendship Day (aka Valentine's Day) plus I plan on crashing AC sometime this week because I miss all my AC friends and I guess a small (weird) part of me is actually looking forward to the lectures too hahahaha. So yep happy CNY!!!!

OG3 ♥♥♥